


If Doing Business Is a Type of Battle, Then All Space Merchants Are Technically Fighting Star Wars

by charmingStrangeness



Series: Sakamoto Week 2017 [4]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Star Wars References, sakamoto week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:32:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmingStrangeness/pseuds/charmingStrangeness
Summary: In which the Kaientai fleet's explorations land them in a galaxy far, far away...Written forSakamoto Week 2017Day 4 - Crossover





	If Doing Business Is a Type of Battle, Then All Space Merchants Are Technically Fighting Star Wars

Sakamoto Tatsuma stared morosely out the window, lost in thought.

Being a merchant meant opening new lines of contact with new places, and opening new lines of contact meant going out and exploring and finding those new worlds yourself, but this particular exploration mission wasn’t really panning out as well as Tatsuma had hoped it would. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since they’d last seen a planet, or a moon, or anything larger than random space junk; it might have been days, or weeks – he always inevitably lost track of time on longer missions. Mutsu would know, but Tatsuma wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to find out, lest the answer be something depressing like ‘only 2 hours, learn some patience, Captain,’ or ‘tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of the last time we set foot on land’. 

A soft sigh spilled from his lips, and he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to banish all the negative thoughts from his head. So what if they hadn’t seen any signs of, well, anything at all, for God only knows how long? That only meant that the chance of an encounter only increased with every passing moment; space isn’t empty, after all. In a few seconds, Tatsuma would open his eyes, and maybe there would be something out the window – a planet, a satellite, another ship, _anything._  

He took a deep breath, and counted down from ten.

_Anything at all._

Tatsuma opened his eyes.

Off in the distance, there was a white-ish, spherical object that looked suspiciously like a moon.

Tatsuma blinked. 

He closed his eyes, counted down from ten, and opened them.

The moon was still there. 

Tatsuma’s brain was still frozen in shock when the ship’s PA system crackled to life. 

 _“Captain Sakamoto, please report to the bridge. I repeat, Captain, you are needed on the bridge.”_  

A wide grin slowly split Tatsuma’s face, and he began to laugh. So he wasn’t going crazy – the crew on piloting duty seen it too…? He took a tentative few steps towards the bridge, and then broke out into a run. _They saw it too!!!_ The realization was sinking in – their period of isolation was finally at an end! 

Mutsu raised an eyebrow as Tatsuma burst through the door of the bridge, chest heaving and hair dishevelled from his sprint across the ship. Judging from that look, he probably looked decidedly un-captain-like, but Tatsuma didn’t care; his heart was feeling lighter than helium for the first time in what felt like eons. 

“Did you see it too?” The question fell from his mouth before Mutsu or any of the crew even had a chance to explain their summons. 

“You sound like a six-year-old on Christmas morning,” Mutsu said dryly, although Tatsuma didn’t miss the excitement in her gaze. 

He laughed. “So you _did_  see it, then!” Tatsuma was positively _elated._ “Soon we’ll be back on land, doing business!” 

“Well, we don’t know about that just yet.” Shouta, the communications officer on duty, swivelled his chair around to face his superiors. “We still don’t know what it even is.” 

“What are you talking about? It’s a moon, obviously!” Sakamoto bounced on the balls of his feet. “And if there’s a moon, then there must be a planet nearby!” 

“That’s the problem,” Mutsu cut in, “there _isn’t_  a planet nearby.” 

“Maybe it’s hiding? Or maybe that moon _is_  the planet!” Dammit, Sakamoto would _not_  let his crew rain on his parade. “Who’s piloting this thing right now? Oi, Kazuo! What do you think it is?” 

“It’s hard to tell from here, Captain… But it looks too uniform to be a planet.” Kazuo’s voice sounded contemplative. “It definitely looks like a moon, but we need to get in closer to be able to see it well.” 

“Bring us in closer, then!” 

“Yes, Captain!” 

The ship continued to advance, and the crew on the bridge all stared out the front window with bated breath, waiting for the mysterious object to come into better focus. Slowly, various features began to materialize – a large crater in the upper hemisphere, a thick equatorial line, a pattern of rectangles that looked too perfect to be organic… 

Beside him, Tatsuma heard Mutsu suddenly inhale sharply.

“That’s no moon… That’s a space station.” 

In the pilot’s seat, Kazuo shook his head. “With all due respect, Vice-Captain, it’s too big to be a space station.” 

Tatsuma noticed that what he’d believed to be a crater looked suspiciously like a satellite dish. 

Shouta frowned. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” 

The rough grey rectangles on its surface were coming into focus, and Tatsuma thought he could see hangar bays and city sprawl. 

“Turn the ship around,” Mutsu commanded quietly. 

“Wait, what?” Tatsuma’s head whipped around to stare at his vice-captain. “This is the first sign of any kind of society we’ve seen in _ages,_ and you want us to avoid it?” 

“I’m not saying we should abandon it entirely. I want to know more about it before we approach it though. That’s clearly not an ordinary space station.” Mutsu’s eyebrows drew together. “I agree with Shouta… Something about this feels off.” 

Tatsuma couldn’t argue with her logic – it was absolutely fair to stop and learn something about one’s destination before approaching it, especially in their line of business. And ecstatic as he’d been to finally encounter something out here in the middle of nowhere, Tatsuma had to admit that the space station did give off something of an ominous vibe… 

He chuckled nervously. “Okay, you’re right. We’ll back off.” 

Kazuo worked the controls, but the space station continued to loom closer. 

“Kazuo, why are we still moving towards it?” Mutsu asked.

“I’m trying to get us into reverse, but it’s not working!” 

“Is the ship not responding?” 

“The controls are, but we’re still moving forward. I…” Kazuo swallowed hard, and a slight tremor edged into his voice. “I think we’re caught in some kind of tractor beam.” 

Sweat began to bead on Tatsuma’s forehead. “Wh-what do you mean, a tractor beam?” 

“I mean we’re getting pulled in and we can’t do anything about it!” 

So much for trying to research the space station before approaching it. “Shouta, contact the rest of our fleet and see if they’ve been caught in this too.” 

“Yes, Captain!” Shouta’s hands flew deftly over his control panel, and he leaned towards the microphone. “This is the Kairinmaru to all Kaientai. This is the Kairinmaru to all Kaientai. We are currently caught in a tractor beam originating from the space station in front of us. If you are able to turn around, do so. Do not approach the space station. I repeat, do not approach the space station.” 

The announcement was met with silence. Shouta frowned, and tried again. “This is the Kairinmaru to all Kaientai. This is the Kairinmaru to all Kaientai. Please confirm your understanding of the previous order.” 

Again, no response.

Shouta began to poke at the controls in frustration, flipping switches and opening panels to check connections. After a minute of probing, he let out a heavy sigh. “Uh… Captain… I think they’ve jammed our signal.” 

“This is definitely _not_ good.” Mutsu’s voice was laced with ice. “First a tractor beam, then cutting off communications? This is not a friendly reception.” 

Tatsuma laughed nervously. “Now, now, Mutsu, let’s not go making any assumptions, here.” 

“Sakamoto, whoever is running this space station is _clearly_  hostile.” 

“I know, I know, but we can’t be sure of that just yet, right? Haha…” 

Mutsu was, of course, correct, as per usual. The situation was definitely bad, and the owners of the space station definitely did not have good intentions. It was enough to make anyone’s blood run cold with fear.

And yet, _and yet,_  Tatsuma couldn’t help the spark of admiration that burned in his chest as he stared out the window and examined the space station, whose details were now fully in view thanks to how close they were. The thing was a masterpiece of practical architecture and functionality, decked out with some heavy-duty weaponry and heaven only knew what else. Tatsuma wanted to explore every inch of it. He wanted to know what it was capable of. He wanted… 

Tatsuma licked his lips as a familiar urge built up in his gut.

Beside him, Mutsu was practically snarling. “Who do they think they are, anyways? Just plucking an entire merchant fleet out of space like it’s nothing? Well, we’ll show them. They’re not gonna get us without a fight.” 

“You can’t win,” Tatsuma said softly.

“Hm?” Mutsu turned to look at him.

“It’s some kind of battle station. We can’t win.” Tatsuma placed a hand on Mutsu’s shoulder and flashed a grin. “But there _are_  alternatives to fighting.” 

“You don’t mean—” 

“We’re traders, Mutsu, remember?” Tatsuma crossed his arms and stared resolutely forward at the hangar bay they were quickly approaching. “We’ve got our own way of doing things.” 

**Author's Note:**

> you better be careful vader, the last time this guy got picked up from the middle of nowhere and taken hostage he ended up ~~conning~~ buying a whole fleet of ships out from under some pirates...
> 
> questions? thoughts? leave a comment or visit me @ [charmingstrangeness](http://charmingstrangeness.tumblr.com) on tumblr
> 
> a couple quick notes:  
> \- shout-out to obi-wan for [the iconic dialogue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGp_5gOww0E)  
> \- the name 'shouta' bears the meanings 'glide' or 'soar' (the same way the name 'skywalker' could imply actions similar to flying, right?)  
> \- the name 'kazuo' can be broken down into 'kazu' for 'one' and 'o' for man (y'know, kinda like if a man had the word 'solo' in his name, get it?)  
> \- [source](https://www.behindthename.com/names/usage/japanese) for japanese name meanings
> 
> i'll be back tomorrow for day 5!


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